FightClub For Sailors

The Ring is back!

In the tradition of the epic Sailnet thread where I got my glorious start – I’m bringing back that adventure-seeking, trash-talking, verbal sparring, comedy-laden, booze-soaked banter. And it all centers around the very first thing you need to learn about sailing if you want to be a FightClubber. That is…

The Philosophy of the Stones

This is the doctrine which causes the (very entertaining) writhing anger and confused vitriol from POSers who love to dominate the sailing forums.

When it comes to big sailing, what are “stones” really? Quite simply, it can all be broken down as follows:

1. One-Part Zest for Adventure and Excitement (left-hanging)
2. One-Part Desire to Push One’s Self Beyond One’s Limits (right-hanging)
3. One-Part Brain (just above and center)

When one employs the proper mixture of these three, you get stories of epic voyages, great attitudes, great lessons, and exciting sailors.

When, one relies only on 1-2, you get the inevitable SOS, next-of-kin notification, and the relentless POS I-Told-You-So on the forums.

However, as clearly demonstrated by the POS Crew you find on most sailing forums, when one relies too much on 3, the 1-2s shrivel away to useless lumps. All you need to do is listen to their shrill sermons and this becomes perfectly clear. They lay down their rules for avoiding “stupidity” (e.g. – use of the 1-2s); and those rules get narrower and narrower and narrower. This goes on until they’re old and fat, sitting on the dock reverently talking about how much they know – and how much they want to just “protect sailing newbies from risk and danger”.

Please.

So are you a FightClubber or a POSer?

Now, FightClub For Sailors is not for everyone. In fact, it’s very exclusive. Only a select global group of elite sailors and smartasses will be allowed in. And there are strict rules for who can enter:

1. Only the Banned

You have to have been banned at some point from at least one sailing forum. And you have to provide proof of that banning and what led to it. Otherwise, you’re obviously not a fighter. I’ve got several under my own belt…

Cruisers Forum (Permabanned):

Sailnet (Tempbanned):

However, you can’t have been permanently banned on or from all the forums. This means you’re just an annoying pecker and have no rhetorical skills to talk your way out of trouble.

In that case, we don’t want you. Go away.

2. Only the Rough-n-Tumble

You have to have thick-skin and a great sense of humor. If you can’t use your wit and rhetoric to best your opponent and instead get offended and pissy and want to cry to a moderator…you are not a fighter – nor a sailor. You’re a tender, nerdy “captain” whom our fine USCG has to bail out of trouble in moderate conditions.

In that case, we don’t want you. Go away.

3. Keep it Above The Belt

We’ll be telling stories and talking about all kinds of stuff – stupid things we come across in the forums, annoying chuckleheads and points-of-view, sailboat design, booze, cigars, surfing, whatever we want.

BUT, we have to keep the fight clean. If you wouldn’t say something to the person’s face, don’t say it in FightClub. That kind of crap shows you to be a POSer not a fighter.

In that case, we don’t want you. Go away.

Also, keep it somewhat family-friendly. I don’t want to have to hide FCFS from my kids when I’m laughing about it. Remember, FCFS is about being witty and fun – not obnoxious. So consider the tone somewhere between Sailnet and Sailing Anarchy. But never go full Sailing Anarchy. And don’t even think about going Cruisers Forum or you’ll get a FC boot in the nuts.

4. Declare Your Table

When you enter, you can either sit at the FightClub table or at the POSer table. Your choice. FightClubbers love the risk and adventure of big sailing. POSers love to “dominate the sailing forums” with endless yapping about technical crap, gear, PFDs, anchors, sextants – NEVER the joys of big sailing. In fact, POSers hate that stuff.

But maybe there are a few POSers who want to show their stuff in the ring – and I can respect that.

So come on in – but make your intentions known so we can pair up fair fights.

Alternatively, if you’ve been labeled in FightClub as a POSer on one of the forums, but your not yet a FightClubber, I’ll offer you the ability to come in and defend yourself in the FCFS ring. Fair’s fair. And your ballsiness will be admired, respected, and remarked on by all in attendance- before you get your beatdown.

So, it doesn’t matter if you’re a newb or a salt. You just have to love the adventure of sailing and despise the ridiculousness of some of the crap in sailing forums.

5. Never Talk About FightClub

Once you’re in, you don’t talk about what we talk about elsewhere. If you do, you’ll get mocked mercilessly and flicked – then forever trolled by FightClubbers everywhere as a POS chucklehead. It’s that simple.

How do you get in?

If you want to join FCFS, comment below or email me with your application and credentials as laid out above. I’ll consider your request and take it before the board. If you’re worthy – you’re in. I’ll give you directions to the ring then.

Otherwise, we don’t want you. Go away.

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